...

Sorry for being so depressing. But it's my blog so I guess I can do what I want. This is a good replacement for tumblr because now exactly zero people will see my shitty whining. I miss my friends but I can't bring myself to make a genuine effort to reach out, and one of them said they needed a "break." It's been about three months of almost zero contact from him. I'm beginning to think he's done with me. Being off my meds can't be helping but I have therapy today and I don't wanna go. It just sounds draining and awful right now. I want to go to kinokuniya and get some art books but again, fired, not making money, so that's off the table.

I'm just overwhelmed with the feeling that I can't do anything myself. I can't add a comment section to my own website without a template, I can't build my blog without a template, I can't make good art without extensive reference and even then it's a tossup how it turns out. I can't do anything without heaps of help and support and when I run out of answers given to me by other people I just give up and stop trying. I know helplessness is learned, it's a habit, but it feels like I'm in so deep I'll never escape feeling like this. I'm a bad victim, I'm a bad blogger, I'm a bad artist, I'm arguably a bad person. Thank god nobody follows this site.

Going into 2024 my only real goal is to move out and idk what else.